dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
