why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize