And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
