Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
