the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
