As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
