I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
