yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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