Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
