these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
