why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
