Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
