either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
