Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
either way he was missing a nipple.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize