Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
