Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
