I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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