i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
