My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize