peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
