I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
