woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize