if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
