This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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