sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
