I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
