well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There r osticjed everywhere
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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