i think my tv is drunk
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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