we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
