Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
