You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
