Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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