it was like eating out sand paper
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
