Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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