I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
