I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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