that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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