just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
