she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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