the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
