You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
