the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
