Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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