I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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