one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize