the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
