if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
