Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i think i have herpe
just one?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
