somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
