I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
