When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
