Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
