you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
