Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I forget how to act sober
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
