I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
