I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
