I just made out with a guy for $7.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hippo gnu deer
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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