and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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