if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
