I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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