i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
