k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
