She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
