Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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