He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
