we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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