DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
