I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
