I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
