I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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