so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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