This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
