I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
