DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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