Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
