so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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