i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
