why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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