Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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