we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
