if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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