that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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