That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
