So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
