did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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