if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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