She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
