So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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