i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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