theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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