i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
there was a trapeze. enough said
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
