until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
