just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
