one might say we're banned from that church
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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