I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
