Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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