Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
