I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
