He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
