OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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