Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
