dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
