I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
