i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
