I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
