thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
