dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Randomize
