yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize